Breakfast on Tuesday, Dinner on Wednesday
by Bella The Bard
Summary: Matt spirals into a depression after a traumatic event, but when he meets again with the person he wronged, can he make everything right again? 2p Canada x 1p Canada/Red Velvet Pancakes Major trigger warning. mentions of depression, suicide, and self-harm.
1. Chapter 1

_Two years._

Matt laid his head down on the table. Another meeting. Another argument. Another pain in the ass. Allen being obnoxious. Oliver being creepy. François not giving a shit. Luciano yelling. Xiao yelling back. The Nordics sitting together being creepy. Flavio preening his hair. Matt trying to sleep. Two years. Two years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Two years since he started to be haunted by that voice. Two years of torment. Two years of pain. Now the gate was sealed, and there was no chance of closure. He just wanted to know. How could he live not knowing? How had he functioned for so long like this? Over the past two months, Matt had felt himself beginning to crack. But he had to keep up appearances. Couldn't deal with his family's prying. He knew soon he would have to deal with his feelings. That would be even worse than dealing with Oliver. Sure, Matt may have felt a fleeting regret at some of his past actions, but he had never been plagued by this kind of guilt. His soul was burning. He knew he had to atone for his crime. Maybe his death would be enough. He couldn't hold out much longer. Maybe another week...

"...att... Matt!" Matt jerked his head up off the table. "Damn lazy bum! Don't sleep during the fucking meeting!," Luciano yelled. Matt winced. Al poked him in the side. "You all right?," he whispered. Matt vaguely nodded. Al didn't push it.

The meeting came and went, and Matt went home. He unlocked the door with shaky hands, his sleeve slipping away from his wrist. He was surprised no one noticed the rolled-down sleeves of his shirt. No one had questioned it. No one cared. He stumbled through the living room. His legs didn't seem to work. He knew what he had been doing was stupid. The razor was almost... comforting. He could tell he was still alive when he bled. Sometimes he didn't want to be alive. The rope hanging in the closet seemed so tempting sometimes. Then he remembered the kind eyes, the concerned question... _"Are you alright?"_... But then came the other memory. The sickening crack when his hockey stick made contact with the blonde head, the immediate regret and horror, the days of numbness, Oliver's care in nursing him back to health. He couldn't remember how he got the wound in his side. Sometimes he wished it had killed him. He didn't remember how he got to Oliver's house. Sometimes he wished Oliver hadn't brought him back.

Wishing solved nothing. Matt used to be convinced that the way to solve anything was with his hockey stick. Now he could barely look at the thing. He didn't know why this particular kill haunted him. It wasn't as if he had never bashed someone's head in with a hockey stick. But the violet eyes had stared into his soul, tormenting him every time he closed his eyes.

Hockey sticks didn't solve anything either. Matt knew now that the only way to solve anything was for him to cease existing. He had to do it soon, or someone would catch on. If not Oliver, then... Him. Even if François didn't act like he cared about Matt, he was still his Papa. He would do something about it if he found out how troubled Matt was. So he made a decision.

Matthew moved to open his bedroom closet, but tripped. He felt his head hit the floor, saw red, then lost consciousness. When light reached his eyes again, it was accompanied by frantic shouting and angry questions. But Matt couldn't force himself to open his eyes, so he drifted off again. But not before seeing that eerily beautiful face.


	2. Chapter 2

Matt woke in an unfamiliar bed. He heard hushed voices through a wall, but was unable to make out what they were saying. One was British, but it couldn't have been Oliver, because he sounded angry. Another sounded suspiciously like Allen. The last voice was so soft that Matt could barely tell there was another person, but it was definitely there. And it resonated in Matt's mind, filling every thought.

He finally made a decision and stood from the bed, padding barefoot into the hallway. When he opened the door, he was met with stares from four sets of eyes. A tall blonde with glasses and a cowlick like... Allen's, a shorter blonde with bushy eyebrows and a scowl, a man leaning against the wall and staring at them all amusedly with his long golden hair falling into his face, and a small blonde who looked similar to the first all stood in the hallway. The last man met Matt's eyes, and Matt couldn't look away. They were the violet eyes that haunted his thoughts for two years, the honey blonde hair framing them perfectly.

Matt sank to his knees. Immediately, the man with longer hair, who looked a bit like François and was the closest to Matt, kneeled next to him concerned. He ignored the man, feeling tears prick the corners of his eyes. This was cruel. He had to somehow be hallucinating; he couldn't be seeing the man he was so sure he had killed before his eyes. He felt a kick land in his side and cried out in surprise.

The man who looked like Al stood over him, scowling angrily down at the man who had nearly killed his brother. "Get the fuck out of here. I couldn't kick you out before because you were unconscious. Get the fuck out before you hurt someone again." His voice dripped with venom, as well as a strong American accent. Matt slowly stood. "Show me the door then."

As the man began to walk towards the front of the house, a small body collided with Matt's own. He felt hands twist in the fabric of the back of his shirt. "W-wait. Please d-don't go," a soft voice whispered behind him. He turned to find the other version of himself staring up at him pleadingly. His heart melted at the sight. He felt surprised glares focused on him, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the smaller Canadian, couldn't believe what he was seeing or hearing. He noticed the hands on his chest and looked down to find that the other nation was clutching at his clothes desperately. He looked back at the other's face to find him searching Matt's own.

Another pair of hands jerked him back by the short ponytail. "Get. Out," the American growled.

The younger brother let out a small noise of surprise. "Alfred! This is my house! You can't just tell him to leave!," he cried out.

"You're obviously not thinking straight, Mattie!"

"I'm thinking just fine!"

"Right, because telling the man who nearly killed you to stay in your house is completely logical!

"Get out, Alfred."

The two older blondes and the other Canadian both watched the two, completely confused. Then, the younger brother reached forward and _shoved_ his twin. Everyone stared, surprised.

"I mean it, Alfred. Get out," the small Canadian said, dangerously quiet. The taller man turned and walked away, knowing when to quit when it came to his brother. The other two muttered their goodbyes and followed him out, leaving Matthew and Matt in awkward silence.

Matthew turned and held his hand out to shake. "I'm Matthew Williams, the representative of Canada in this world. Would you like to stay with me until we find out how to get you back home?"

Matt reached out to shake his hand. "I'm Matt Williams, the representative of Canada in the other world. And yes, I would very much like to stay with you."


	3. Chapter 3

If Matt had learned one thing from a day with his double, it was that having a practical clone was awkward. They found quickly that, though they may appear drastically different to others, they shared a lot.

If Mattie had learned one thing from a day with his double, it was that you couldn't judge a book by its cover. So cliché, but it was true for Matt. He was actually quite sweet and secretly a bit shy.

If they had both learned one thing from their day together, it was that they wanted to spend more time with each other. They wanted to know everything about each other. They wanted to know the other better than he knew himself.

Finally, over dinner, it reached the ultimate point of awkwardness. They knew they would have pancakes; they had decided on that almost immediately. After arguing for almost half an hour about who would cook and a quick hockey match to decide (in which Matt had his ass beat by the smaller Canadian), it was decided that Mattie would cook. As Mattie put the food on the table, he realized he had left the maple syrup in the pantry. When he turned to get it, he tripped and fell. Matt, unfortunately, sat directly between Mattie and the pantry. Matthew looked up to find himself on the lap of a surprised Matt. They both blushed, with Mattie beginning to stutter an apology. He was stopped in his tracks when Matt tried to hide his blush with his hand and sunglasses. Mattie thought this was the cutest thing he'd ever seen in his long, rather cute life. He burst out laughing, making Matt look up at him confusedly.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. Just laughing at my own clumsiness, eh."

When Matthew was somehow flustered, his Canadian accent became stronger. This was one of those moments. He was laughing and choking out sentences between, causing his double to blush. Matt thought this was the cutest thing he'd ever seen in his long, rather un-cute life. He excused himself, mumbling about needing fresh air.

Mattie followed him out the back door in the kitchen discreetly. He was extremely amused by this. Matt ran through the yard, found a tree, and sank to the ground leaning against it, facing away from the house. Mattie poked his head around the tree.

"You don't have to be embarrassed."

Matt let out a decidedly unmanly squeak of surprise, making Mattie laugh some more. Matt scowled at his double, not enjoying being mocked. Mattie sat down next to him.

"You know, I really enjoy your company."

Matt was taken aback by this. "B-but... I... I almost killed you."

"But you didn't. I don't hold grudges." Mattie set his jaw and looked at the ground, making Matt think there was more to this. He decided to leave that for later.

Matt sighed. "You know, little polar bear, you're something else." He clapped a hand over his mouth when he realized he had let slip the pet name he had begun to call Mattie in his head.

Mattie laughed some more. "Come on, let's go back inside before dinner gets cold." He skipped off towards the house, leaving Matt with no choice but to follow him.

When Matt entered the house, he was immediately tackled by something fuzzy and white. He cried out in surprise and began to try and wrestle the creature off of him. He assumed that a wild bear had somehow entered the house. He was proven wrong when the bear poked his face and said, "Wait... Who're you?"

Matthew burst into laughter for the third time, picking up his pet, then Matt. He was surprisingly strong for such a small guy. He held up the little bear for Matt to see. "This is Kuma-whatsit." Matt let out a snort of laughter at his clone. Mattie pouted, making Matt chuckle more. Then, they ate a pleasant dinner, forgetting the awkwardness for a bit.


	4. Chapter 4

Allen wasn't sure where his brother was, but he knew he was in trouble. From the way he had been acting before he disappeared, it was bad. For once, Allen decided he would be a good brother. He got together François and Oliver to devise a plan.

Alfred was sure Matthew needed his help. He was sure this Matt guy was dangerous. And most of all, he was sure Matthew would kick his ass the moment he tried to butt in. So he decided to convince Arthur and Francis of what he was sure of. For Mattie's sake.

Mattie knew this was the happiest he had been since... colony days, at least. He wanted to spend every moment with Matt. His heart would flutter whenever the taller Canadian was near, and he couldn't breathe right. Matthew wasn't sure, but he thought he was falling in love.

Matt was in love. He wanted his double to love him as well, but... he knew he wasn't worth it. Mattie deserved better than Matt. He deserved someone who would take care of him, who could make him happy. Matt was hopelessly in love.

Francis and Arthur were sure Alfred was crazy. They told him so. Even if Matt was dangerous, which Mattie didn't seem to think he was (and Mattie was almost always right), Matthew could take care of himself. They ignored Alfred's crazy rambling.

François and Oliver were worried about Matt. After what Allen told them, they knew they had to find him. So they devised a plan. François thought he knew where Matt was. So they would find a way there.

Gilbert thought Alfred's idea was brilliant. Since The totally Un-Awesome Arthur and Francis wouldn't help The Hero protect Birdie, who else for the job but The Awesome Prussia? So Alfred and Gilbert decided on blackmail as their plan.

Matthew was beginning to think there was something wrong with Matt. He had acted weird since their dinner on Wednesday night when he had run off into the backyard. He seemed distant, unresponsive, almost... depressed. Mattie decided to talk to him about it.

"Hey, Matt?"

Matt looked up from his book to see Mattie walking into the room. "Hmmm?"

"It's just... You've been acting like there's something bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?"

Matt set down his book and stared at his hands in his lap. He wished he could disappear. "I... Before... Before I came here... I... I just... You..."

Mattie put a hand over Matt's larger hands. "It's okay."

Matt took a deep breath before continuing, still looking at his hands. "After the breach in the gate, I couldn't stop thinking about how I thought I had killed you. It haunted me for two years. I had killed before, but for some reason, I didn't think I could live with myself if you died." He laughed humorlessly. "Strange, isn't it? It's as if I knew this would happen."

"What?," Mattie asked, cocking his head adorably to the side. "Knew what would happen?"

Matt looked into his double's eyes and held his gaze, building up the courage to say what had been bothering him since the day Mattie had asked him to stay here. "That I would fall in love with you."

He closed his eyes, waiting for Mattie to reject him, to tell him to leave. Instead, he felt chapped lips press against his, soft hands running through the hair at the back of his head and accidentally undoing his ponytail. Without even thinking, he snaked his arms around Mattie's waist, resting his hands at the small of his back. Mattie was just pulling him closer to deepen the kiss when the door slammed open.

 **A/N: Cliff-hanger for the win! I ended it this way honestly because I'm a bit stuck. I had an idea of where I wanted this story to go, but it's veered off in a completely different direction. I'll try to update soon, though.**


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Hey. Major trigger warning for this chapter. Don't read if it might trigger you. I care for the safety of my readers, and I know what you're going through if this kind of thing triggers you easily; I've been through that before. Message me if you ever want to talk, I'm here. And if you know someone going through depression, reach out to them. They may get mad and push you away, but keep letting them know you care. Trust me, it's worth it.**_

Alfred nearly fell over from shock. "Wha-...How-...But-..."

Matt and Mattie stood quickly, disentangling their limbs and straightening their clothes. The two intruders stood shocked in the doorway, unable to comprehend what they had seen. Gilbert was the first to speak. "Birdie? Can we talk with you outside, please?" Mattie nodded and followed Gilbert from the room, grabbing Alfred's arm to drag him with them on the way out.

Matt felt a ball of emotion rising from the pit of his stomach. He knew he would have to fight if he wanted to keep Mattie near him. God, he really wanted that. But he couldn't. He could already feel the awful thoughts that drove him to cut, and nearly to kill himself, filling his mind.

 _You're no good for him._

 _You'll ruin his life._

 _Leave now before you mess things up._

 _He deserves better than you._

 _Without him, you don't have a reason to live._

 _It would be better if you just got out of his life now._

 _You know you can't keep living._

 _Worthless piece of trash._

 _Just die._

 _Don't make Matthew suffer for your sins._

He was interrupted from his dark reverie by Matthew storming back in. "Those fucking hosers! How could they?! Those sons of bitches! How dare they judge my decisions! It's my life!" He paced back and forth throughout his outburst, yelling louder than Matt had ever heard him. Matt walked over to Mattie and placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him. Mattie looked up and smiled sarcastically. "At least I gave 'em each a black eye and a bloody lip each in return, eh."

Matt smiled back. "Yeah. Thanks, Mattie. Thank you for defending me."

Mattie saw something in Matt's smile. Something he didn't know what to make of. It looked sad… but also joyful. And Mattie sure as hell wasn't letting go of what Matt had said earlier about being depressed. He grabbed Matt's hands in his own and looked straight at him. "Look at me, Matt."

Matt looked up from the floor to meet Mattie's eyes. Mattie let go of one of Matt's hands to remove his double's sunglasses. "Matt… do you trust me?"

"...Wha'? What kind of question is that?"

"Do. You. Trust me."

"O-of course I do, Mattie. I told you, I'm in love with you. I trust you unconditionally."

Mattie nodded. "Good. So you'd tell me if something was wrong?"

"Yes. Of course," Matt replied immediately.

"Good." Mattie stood up onto his tiptoes to press a quick chaste kiss to Matt's lips. "You can always talk to me, okay?"

Matt smiled, this time obviously genuinely happy. "Okay, Mattie. Thank you."

Mattie grinned. "Alright. Now, I have meetings Sunday evenings, so we can't cook tonight. Wanna eat at the pizza place around the corner?"

Matt nodded and took back his sunglasses. "Sounds good. When's the next time we can have a home-cooked meal together?"

"Um… Oh, geez, let me think… um… I think I'm really busy for a while, but I don't have to go into the office until later in the morning on Tuesday, so we can have breakfast then, and I can be home for dinner on Wednesday, if that's alright with you."

"That sounds great, polar bear," Matt said pulling on his coat and heavy boots.

Mattie followed him out the door and pointed him in the direction of the pizza joint.

Matt was still awake when his double got home, so they snuggled on the couch together and watched _My Bloody Valentine_ , which turned out to be the favorite movie of both Canadians.

Halfway through the scariest scene, Matthew subconsciously began to cling to Matt's arm (apparently sharing his fear of horror movies with his brother). Even in the dark room, Mattie could see Matt's blush. That made him forget about being scared, but he continued to hold onto Matt's arm anyway.

Just before the end of the movie, the two drifted off to sleep, causing Mattie to wake up late the next morning. He decided to work from home that day, so Matt brought him his meals and kept him company by reading in his office. The silence between the two had quickly changed from awkward to peaceful in the short time they had known each other. Matt was happy for once.

But he couldn't shake his fear.

 _Maybe I'm not good enough._

 ** _A/N: Wow! Another chapter already! But don't get too excited, this probably won't be a regular occurrence. I don't update on a schedule, sorry. See ya when I see ya._**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry it's so short! I had to leave it where I did. And a quick heads up, there's a bit of cursing in this chapter. It just fit with the dialogue.**

Mattie lived for the days he and Matt could cook and eat together. He loved the conversations had over the smells of the kitchen. There wasn't a lot to learn about each other, but he loved finding out new things about Matt.

But he couldn't help but feel like Matt had something on his mind, and he wanted more than anything for Matt to share it with him. Every time he tried to bring it up, he chickened out and said something completely different from what he meant to say.

Matt would go silent sometimes and screw up his face like he was in pain, and Mattie's heart broke a little bit every time it happened. He just wanted to be able to help him.

He was shaken from his reverie when the taller Canadian walked through the door with the groceries. How long had he been sitting in the kitchen? He greeted Matt and set to work slicing vegetables. Matt fell into a rhythm next to him, mixing together his ingredients. There was a silence for a while. It would've been pleasant, but the tension of an unanswered question hung over the two, until Mattie couldn't take it anymore and just had to ask.

He put down his knife, slowly and gingerly, then turned to Matt, who looked up from his cooking. Mattie stared at his hands for a moment before looking straight into Matt's eyes. "Matt. I need you to me completely honest with me. I know there's something wrong. I've been able to see it in the way you've acted." Matt tensed as Matthew's hands reached for his and took ahold of them. "Please tell me what's wrong."

Matt looked away. "Nothing's wrong."

Mattie pulled his hands away. "That's bullshit, and we both know it!"

"I'm telling you, everything's fine," Matt replied, reaching to take hold of Mattie's hands again.

"What's so bad that you can't tell me?!," Mattie yelled, exasperated.

"I'm fine!"

"Stop lying!"

"Why do you even fucking care?!"

"Because I love you!"

...

Mattie covered his mouth with his hand and averted his eyes. Matt stiffened, his eyes widening behind his dark shades. Neither of them could work up the nerve to speak.

That is, until the door burst open...

 **A/N: Cliffhanger! I'm such a b****. You'll never guess who it is. No really; I'm not sure who it is yet. If you couldn't tell, I'm making this up as I go along.**


	7. NOT A CHAPTER, JUST AN AN

I just wanted to apologize for my inactivity on my account and let you know that it will probably continue for a while. I've just started high school today, so that' seen stressful, and I'm toying with an idea for a novel, but I don't know if I'm ready to take on something like that yet. Thanks for the continued support, though. I love all my readers. Thanks and bye for now.


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